2.05.2014

Body as a Tether, 2.14


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It's nice to be back on here, blogging again. It seems that each time I've written a new post (many months parting each one), I've promised that things will be different this time, there will be consistency in my writings. It's taken me awhile to discover, while I may be hoping that the words I'm writing will stay true, life doesn't always work that way. 
This past year has been one focused on growth. Training my thoughts and words to be kinder, more loving. Yes, to others, but also to myself. 
Style blogging is very difficult for me. Snapping photos, editing, writing; this is not the part I struggle with. Having to look at myself through images, eyes clouded with prejudgement of what I should look like, what I don't look like. These are my troubles. I fat shame myself to the ends of earth for the smallest things. My thighs are too wide. My arms are not thin enough. Thigh gaps. Fucking thigh gaps.
My body has been morphing over the past few years, a tree shedding and growing leaves with the changing of seasons. From average, to thin, back up to average. What I choose to consider "fat" when looking at myself. Show me anyone else the same size and I'll tell you that person is beautiful. That woman is perfect. Yet when I look into a mirror, my body morphs into a different form, one I am shameful of. One that I'm afraid to share with others. I've been too self conscious this past year to post images of myself. So I used this time to change my perspective.
I needed this break from blogging. In these months, the self hate I've held for so long has been quieted by words of love and compassion. You're beautiful just as you are, I tell myself. Your thighs are beautiful. Your arms are beautiful. And more importantly, my body is not a reflection of my soul. I need not be so bound by fears of image. How others perceive me, how I perceive myself. 
Things are better now though my thoughts aren't perfect. Surrounded all our lives by media, which tells us how we ought to look if we want to be beautiful, it's hard to replace the old with new thoughts of positivity, acceptance. 
Yet I'm trying. I'm retraining my thoughts. I'm taking care of my body for healths sake, done with attempts to be "thin". I have naturally curvy thighs and hips. I'm ready to accept that.

I know this is something many women struggle with. I hope that if you're reading this, my words resonate with you. Medias negative portrayal of females is expansive. While it would be nearly impossible to change all of that, one this is for certain. Our minds can be transformed to view ourselves and other females as beautiful, just as we are.

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These photos were taken in the front yard of my new apartment. I now live with my boyfriend in San Anselmo, a quaint town that is coated in sunlight, flowers and bay trees. My favorite place I've ever lived.
Thanks to Mart of China for this sweater, it has become a staple in my closet. I have to force myself not to wear it everyday.
scarf, secondhand // sweater, c.o. mart of china // velvet dress, u.o (old) // roper boots, secondhand, ebay
I love all of you, and hope to be sharing my thoughts with you as the year moves forward. Thanks for taking the time to read.

11.07.2013

inhale, renew

The weather is beginning to get chilly, so I doubt I'll have the opportunity to wear shorts & sleeveless items for much longer. I have been missing layering, though. Time to pull out all of my knit scarves and sweaters!  ♥
I've had more work done on my arm since this photo was taken. I hope to show all of you very soon!
floral cutout blouse, uo // shorts, diy (originally american apparel jeans) // belt & shoes, vintage // sunglasses, ray ban clubmaster in tortoise shell // gold watch, michael kors // rings, madewell
I love clovers, thus I love these photos because of the clovers. I wish I could roll around in them all day, how ideal that would be.
Hello, hello, it's been awhile! I have not forgotten about this blog and all of you, though. I actually think about blogging almost every day. And how much I miss it. The thought usually captures my mind when my nose is nestled between theorist texts and notebooks scrawled with my unkempt writing. I did not realize how much work my first semester at a CSU was going to be. In my 'free' time, I mostly stay home now, focusing on the work I have for my classes. That's not to say I don't love the immense load of responsibility, though. I am truly enjoying this semester. I've met some wonderful people with whom I share many things, among which are the loves of reading and writing. I'm beginning to familiarize myself with the beautiful (did I say beautiful? because, wow. you just need to see it yourself) campus and all of the different halls, buildings, departments, etc. When I first started the semester in August, I was fairly terrified. The thought of a new school with many many people I did not know weighed heavy on my heart. I tried immediately to become accepting of the possibility that I may never make a new friend, nor get to feel as though I'm apart of the school. All fears aside, neither of those things exist in my school life now. I have a few people I truly enjoy spending time with, and I feel included in the classrooms I frequent each week. It's a great feeling! I am so thankful for where I'm at in life right now.
I hope all those reading have been doing well as of late. As I said, I miss blogging terribly (and I miss all of you!!), and the feeling of longing has most to do with the great interactions I have been found to have with others through this outlet. I am hoping to take more photos and have more material for postings very, very soon.
The very best to all of you. Love,
Danielle

9.20.2013

Lets Collaborate.

Hey, all! As many of you know, I've been off & on blogging for what seems like awhile now. So, I wanted to say to all those that follow along with my sporadic postings: I'm sorry. Yes, yes, I should send chocolate and make-up cards to all of you, I know. But instead, I have sweet surprise I can share right now.
The other day, I teamed up with a very talented photographer and friend of mine named Tim Williams. We hiked around the hills of the Bay Area, where he got the chance to shoot some really great pictures of me, which you can see below. The pictures are great. My absolute favorite result of this collab, though, is the beautiful video that Tim shot. You might be thinking,  'A video, you say?' Well, yes. You heard right. Starting out my blog a few years ago, I would have never expected I'd be comfortable enough to stand in front of a camera for pictures, let alone video. Things have changed a lot since I made my first post on here, and I'm glad to say that I've grown much more comfortable being in my own skin. 
So, view below to see some rad pictures, and a stunningly artistic video!
turtleneck, vintage / / lace blouse, h&m / / denim cut offs, vintage Levis
gold watch, michael kors / / spiked bracelet, j.crew / / other bracelets, vintage
rings, all madewell
denim vest, DIY Levis / / blouse, crash&burn apparel / / necklace, madewell / / bracelet, madewell
shoes, madewell
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Now the absolute best part, the video! Shot by Tim Williams.

Ahhh! I'm so excited about this. I hope all of you enjoyed it, have a great day!
Much love, Danielle ♥

Thanks a million times over to Tim, you did a phenomenal job.