bear valley, open air

some old photographs from a hike I did at the beginning of this summer out at bear valley. I've been away from social media for some time, as these past few months have been filled with such immense change. I've felt pain, sadness, sincere happiness and joy, and all the feelings between. but what I've felt the most in these few months is a change within myself. my true self, my soul, my joy, has peeked through from behind the walls I've built since childhood. these emotions are so new and foreign to my adult life, though they feel strangely familiar. familiar in a way that tells me, this is exactly where I am supposed to be. and this is exactly the person I have always been, deep within. it's so easy to live with a false identity, showing the outside world what we think we should be, stomping the flame of our souls true passion and desire.
by no means have I found the calling of life. but what I have found is a road that is slowly leading me towards that day where my heart fully opens, and I am able to let the light in. these past few months have led to a change. the handle has been turned, and the door has begun to crack open. some beams of light have begun to shine in. and I am so excited to keep walking down this path, discovering each day another piece of myself that was buried so long ago.
with gratitude,
danielle ♥ 


miscellany, 4.21

gold septum ring, braindrops // rings, madewell // jackelope necklace, madewell // collared necklace, jewelmint (forever ago) // watch, michael kors // blouse & leggings, romwe // shoes, vintage

Hello, and a happy belated Easter! Lately I've gotten back to mixing prints and colors, this outfit evident of such changes. A warm thank you to Romwe for the blouse and leggings —as a heads up if anyone is interested in these leggings, they are a bit sheer, thus I have to wrap a flannel or hoodie around my waist to avoid any skin shows. 
This semester at school has been hectic, my schedule filled hourly with tasks, commitments and classes. I'm doing my best to keep a clear and kind attitude, not forgetting to care for my creative side. I miss consistent blogging so much, and am hoping to begin posting here more once the semester ends in a few weeks. As always, thank you for reading. I hope you are doing well, and that your Spring season is filled with comfort & beauty. 
xox, danielle


Body as a Tether, 2.14

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It's nice to be back on here, blogging again. It seems that each time I've written a new post (many months parting each one), I've promised that things will be different this time, there will be consistency in my writings. It's taken me awhile to discover, while I may be hoping that the words I'm writing will stay true, life doesn't always work that way. 
This past year has been one focused on growth. Training my thoughts and words to be kinder, more loving. Yes, to others, but also to myself. 
Style blogging is very difficult for me. Snapping photos, editing, writing; this is not the part I struggle with. Having to look at myself through images, eyes clouded with prejudgement of what I should look like, what I don't look like. These are my troubles. I fat shame myself to the ends of earth for the smallest things. My thighs are too wide. My arms are not thin enough. Thigh gaps. Fucking thigh gaps.
My body has been morphing over the past few years, a tree shedding and growing leaves with the changing of seasons. From average, to thin, back up to average. What I choose to consider "fat" when looking at myself. Show me anyone else the same size and I'll tell you that person is beautiful. That woman is perfect. Yet when I look into a mirror, my body morphs into a different form, one I am shameful of. One that I'm afraid to share with others. I've been too self conscious this past year to post images of myself. So I used this time to change my perspective.
I needed this break from blogging. In these months, the self hate I've held for so long has been quieted by words of love and compassion. You're beautiful just as you are, I tell myself. Your thighs are beautiful. Your arms are beautiful. And more importantly, my body is not a reflection of my soul. I need not be so bound by fears of image. How others perceive me, how I perceive myself. 
Things are better now though my thoughts aren't perfect. Surrounded all our lives by media, which tells us how we ought to look if we want to be beautiful, it's hard to replace the old with new thoughts of positivity, acceptance. 
Yet I'm trying. I'm retraining my thoughts. I'm taking care of my body for healths sake, done with attempts to be "thin". I have naturally curvy thighs and hips. I'm ready to accept that.

I know this is something many women struggle with. I hope that if you're reading this, my words resonate with you. Medias negative portrayal of females is expansive. While it would be nearly impossible to change all of that, one this is for certain. Our minds can be transformed to view ourselves and other females as beautiful, just as we are.

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These photos were taken in the front yard of my new apartment. I now live with my boyfriend in San Anselmo, a quaint town that is coated in sunlight, flowers and bay trees. My favorite place I've ever lived.
Thanks to Mart of China for this sweater, it has become a staple in my closet. I have to force myself not to wear it everyday.
scarf, secondhand // sweater, c.o. mart of china // velvet dress, u.o (old) // roper boots, secondhand, ebay
I love all of you, and hope to be sharing my thoughts with you as the year moves forward. Thanks for taking the time to read.